Urgency & Rest
On our first call together, my business coach, Desiree Adaway, asked questions about my working style. I said something along the lines of "I don't take breaks. I work 60 hours a week. I get frustrated with people who have inflexible boundaries. I don't have time to take care of myself. I work this hard because I need to. I need to. I have to. I don't have time."
Desiree hmphed. "Connie—I'm gonna stop you right there. I know you. I've been you. I need you to hear this: you're gonna run yourself into the ground and you're gonna take everyone along with you. That sense of urgency you operate under 24-7? That urgency is a tool of white supremacy."
Urgency is a tool of white supremacy. That phrase has been front and center for me this winter. This week, with a light shining bright on the cobweb-covered corners of my personhood and domestic life that I've been neglecting because I've been too busy, I'm grateful for the reminder.
What's this have to do with anything? Alex and I have still been working a 40+ hour week—shifting strategies and making contingency plans—but, probably like many of you, I've also been sleeping a little more, cooking three meals a day, organizing closets, fixing things in my home that are broken, and taking stock of the objects that comprise our domestic landscape. Along with fear and anxiety about what happens next, there's a sense of stillness I can feel in my body that I've been out of touch with for a long, long time. A teacher of mine in 9th grade, paraphrasing Lao Tzu, once told us, "If the bowl is dirty, wash it." There's calm in the call to action to tend the gardens we've sowed.